Thursday: Discovering “Martyrs” with two more days to go in London…

6:00 pm – Watching “Valley of Flowers” and “Martyrs” simultaneously.

Common denominator: Mylene Jampanoi. 🙂
Mylene Jampanoi

Though liked “The Chinese Botanist’s Daughter”, did not really like it enough to keep watching it again, but did like Mylene Jampanoi and Xiao Ran Li.

8:00 pm – “Valley of Flowers” looks like a classic Asian B-movie film,but I will go through it for her. What tipped me off that it might be B-movie? Lead Miland Soman showing his ass (or possibly his butt double) only a few minutes into the film.  “Martyrs” though seems intense. Not “Drag me to Hell” intense. More like “Saw” meets “Blair Witch Project” meets “Hostel” intense. I am bummed that the movie is dubbed in English, so I cannot hear her speak in French. I would happily read subtitles if it means I can hear her speak in French. She makes French sound even hotter.

8:30 pm – I just noticed that at certain angles, Mylene Jampanoi looks French, then at other angles, looks Chinese, then a combination of the two. Her eyes remind me of Milla Jovovich’s. She kind of reminds me of a younger version of Sophie Marceau (and at times, Emanuelle Beart).

8:45 pm- Monumentally crushed that Mylene Jampanoi is married. To a Bollywood actor, no less (that should provide an interesting gene pool for their offspring). Why? Why? Why? 🙂

9:00 pm – Cannot seem to finish either movie, though “Martyrs” seem the more compelling of the two. I keep getting distracted. This is a message to you, filmmakers – if your movie sucks, or is only marginally interesting, we, your viewers, can always go online and find something else more entertaining.

I feel like watching “I love you Beth Cooper” now.

9:52 pm – “Martyr” has more blood and gore in it than a weekend “Red Cross” blood donation drive. Mylene dies after 45 minutes. Might go downhill from here. Morjana Alaoui and the character she plays, Anna,  are interesting though. Her character is supremely devoted to Mylene Jampanoi’s tortured, demented character (I don’t know why – I just think girls like them demented or tortured). I mean, hell, she gets rid of the bodies Jampanoi’s character murdered! If that isn’t devotion (with a hint of some subtle sapphic undertones) I don’t know what is.

I wish I could watch more of her movies though. Damn Hollywood imperialism! It forces me to watch such blockbuster drivel as “Transformers 2” but keeps me from watching better non-Hollywood films.

10:09 pm – Still have not finished “Martyrs”. Gave up on “Valley of Flowers” already. Tried to watch Japanese movie “Machine Girl” but it is crappy as well. I still want to watch “Martyrs” – I just do not know if I want to go where it wants me to go.
Kick-ass movie poster don't you think?

Two more days to go…sigh…

Read a Jessica Zafra review on the film “Adventureland“, which she ends by writing, “True, maybe I love this movie because it reminds me of Say Anything, another movie with a Replacements song. And because I was an unemployed comparative lit major who had long planned to get out of here.”  That stops me on my tracks. What does that mean? She wants to get out of Manila? Of her life? What?

And what about me? I had succeeded in getting out of Baguio – at least for 14 months.  The sinking, depressing realization though is that when you get out, you realize that the other place isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be. And then you spend your time trying to get out of that place that you planned to go to in the first place. I think to get out of anywhere does not mean to get out physically – but just to escape in other ways.

I guess this is why “Martyrs” is so unwatcheable: we are all planning to get out somewhere, of the “here”, but never really quite escaping it. You’re trapped. In your past, by your demons, by your own concepts and constructs.

11:00 pm – Saw the ending of “Martyrs”. Morjana Alaoui’s Anna is caught and tortured repeatedly, and….you have to watch the film to know what happens next.

It is a horrid, harrowing, terrifying film. And it is not even because of the profusion of blood and gore. It is more the suspense, the anticipation. It is a very unusual, surprising film (very French, in that). I do not think I will watch it ever again. Even if it has Mylene Jampanoi in it. It is also an existential film. Yeah, you heard me. Existentialism in a horror film! Who knew?

But one thing this film does succeed at is its promise that it will make “Saw” and “Hostel” seem like “Sesame Street”. In all aspects it is true. I dare you to watch it.

12:45 am – I just found out Mylene Jampanoi or as I like to call her hot French actor crush, or simply The Crush) may have separated from her Bollywood hubby. Hope springs eternal…err…I can dream can’t I?

Martyrs Trailer (it’s actually pretty neat):

One thought on “Thursday: Discovering “Martyrs” with two more days to go in London…

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